Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Randomize
