The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
