what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
