Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
