i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
