His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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