i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
