My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
