I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
