im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
