Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
