I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
