he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
