If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
