So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
