you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
