I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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