maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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