Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
