I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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