Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
