1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
