Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
