it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
