I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
