My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
