areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
