I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
