making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
