She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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