I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
