Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
