O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just pee around me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
