Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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