I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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