is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
