I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
