If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
