Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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