I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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