I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i think i just lost a toe
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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