Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
