masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
