erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
