I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
