wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
