Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
