I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
