I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
