Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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