Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
