Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
