She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
