Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
