she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
