you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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