Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
